Lace and Leather*

I am currently at my friends apartment on Christopher St. enjoying the sites and sounds of the west village. Who needs to go see a movie when the fire escape is just as entertaining...plus you can smoke.

I hear cars passing by blasting Michael Jackson (R.I.P), the bass coming from the club beneath us, the jazz drums from the bar across the street from us, and the elongated "s" sounds from the gays all around us. Tonight, however, there is a noticeable difference: The gays have taken over. There are feathers and whistles and snaps at every corner. The gays are out...and they are proud.

As they should be, the gay pride parade is tomorrow.

Bedtime Story #1

Since I grew a pair of tits the gays have been in love with me and who am I to deny them a quick feel. I actually remember accompanying my fagalicious friend to Mr.Black (back when it was still on Broadway and still cool), after a few shots of tequila I really took over the dance floor and I'm sure there was a nip slip here and there. This gay couple came up to me and just looked me up and down and said "Mmm, tasty!" I perked up and strutted over there feeling confident and fabulous.

They then informed me that they were plastic surgeons and that they simply couldn't believe that my breasts were real. I, shocked and intoxicated, insisted that they were 100% silicone free. After a brief back and forth I actually took their hands and put them up my shirt. Trust me, that's all the proof they needed. They gave me some more compliments and bought me a few drinks. They later admitted that they weren't plastic surgeons and that they just really liked my boobies (who doesn't?). Then things get blurry.... Something about a threesome maybe?.... Minor detail.

The moral of this story is 3-Fold:

• Straight Women: If you're in a funk and need a pick me up go to a gay club dance your ass off and enjoy the incoming compliments.
• Straight Men: Learn a thing or two from the gays, it only took them 2.5 seconds to get to my goods. Beat that.
• Gays, Lezzies, and Fag Hags: I love your enthusiasm but the gay pride parade isn't until tomorrow. I will dance with you in the street demain, I promise. But unfortunately tonight Flow came to town; I need more tea and vallium and less high pitched screams and elongated "s" sounds. As a reward, tomorrow I shall let you all touch my boobies.

-Bella

*The title of this post is dedicated to Britney Spears... she's my bitch